When I started to reflect on my relationship with alcohol, I couldn’t ignore the unsettling patterns that had been creeping in. It wasn’t just about drinking too much - it was about what alcohol had started to represent for me: an escape. An escape from my own thoughts, my own body, my own reality.
During the lockdowns of the COVID-19 pandemic, like so many others, I reached for a glass (or more) as a way to numb the overwhelming feelings. But what started as a coping mechanism quickly became something I didn’t fully recognise in myself.
Looking back, I can see how bulimia played a significant role in this. Eating disorders and substance dependency are more closely linked than many people realise. Research shows that those with eating disorders are far more likely to struggle with substance abuse, and vice versa. The reasons for this overlap are complex, but it often comes down to similar root causes: the need to escape, to feel in control, or to dull overwhelming emotions.
For me, alcohol became a crutch during particularly tough times. But I also began to notice something alarming. Even when I wasn’t drinking excessively - just keeping pace with those around me - my behaviour would change noticeably. I felt more out of control, more unsteady. I seemed to have a much lower tolerance than everyone else, and it made me question what was really going on.
That’s when I started to dig deeper. Something I’d noticed for years, but never connected to my eating disorder, was just how thirsty I constantly felt. It wasn’t just a passing thirst; it was relentless. When most people could sip on a single glass of water over a couple of hours, I’d be finishing a 1.5-litre bottle of Volvic and moving on to another shortly after. It didn’t matter what I was drinking - it could be water, tea, or even alcohol - I’d get through it far quicker than anyone else around me, genuinely because I felt parched.
This constant thirst finally made sense when I learned more about how bulimia affects the body. Bulimia dehydrates you. Every cycle of bingeing and purging strips your body of vital water and electrolytes. It’s not just the immediate effects of purging; it’s a cumulative impact, leaving your body struggling to stay hydrated even on a “normal” day.
Then there’s alcohol, which requires water to be safely processed by your body. Without enough hydration, alcohol becomes far more potent - and its effects hit harder, faster, and more unpredictably. Suddenly, it all clicked. My low tolerance wasn’t just in my head. The dehydration caused by bulimia was amplifying the effects of alcohol, leaving me more vulnerable to feeling out of control.
Realising this was both a relief and a wake-up call. It wasn’t just about alcohol—it was about how much my body was crying out for water and how much harm I’d been doing to it.
Until I stop the cycle of bingeing and purging and give my body the care it needs, my relationship with alcohol will always be complicated. So, for now, I’ve made the decision to significantly reduce my alcohol consumption. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on enjoying a drink entirely - it just means I’m exploring alcohol-free alternatives as a way to protect my recovery and, honestly, myself.
Now, here’s where things take a slightly lighter turn. I’ve always loved red wine—something rich, full-bodied, and comforting. Naturally, I’ve been on a mission to find a decent alcohol-free red wine that doesn’t taste like watered-down grape juice. It’s been... a bit of an adventure.
But whoever’s looking out for me up there decided to throw me a bone. The other day, I wandered into my local supermarket and stumbled upon a bottle of alcohol-free red wine on clearance for £3.50. I sceptically took it home, fully prepared to be disappointed. But to my surprise, it was delicious.
The story doesn’t end there. I went back the following week to stock up, only to find that the same wine was now scanning at 45p per bottle. I’m not one to turn down a bargain, so I did what any sensible person would do—I bought 42 bottles. And no, before you ask, this wasn’t a bingeing situation. It was a very controlled, very purposeful overspend. Let’s call it proactive planning.
Jokes aside, this small moment reminded me that I can still enjoy the rituals I love—like pouring a glass of red wine in the evening - without compromising my health or recovery.
I wanted to share this because I know how isolating these struggles can feel. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel so out of control when you drink, why your tolerance seems so much lower than others, or why you constantly feel thirsty, you’re not alone. For those of us navigating recovery from bulimia - or any eating disorder - alcohol can amplify feelings of unpredictability, both physically and emotionally.
Understanding the connection between dehydration, bulimia, and alcohol has been a game-changer for me. It’s helped me stop blaming myself and start approaching my choices with more compassion. It’s also made me realise how critical hydration is for my body - something I’d taken for granted for far too long.
I’m sharing this in the hope that it might help someone else understand their own experiences a little better. Recovery isn’t linear, and it certainly isn’t easy. But it’s full of small victories - like finding an alcohol-free wine that doesn’t taste awful. And if you’re on this journey too, know that you’re not alone. We’re all just trying to figure it out, one step (or bottle of 45p wine) at a time.
As Always: Help Is Available:
Helplines are open Monday - Friday, 3pm - 8pm:
England: 0808 801 0677
Scotland: 0808 801 0432
Wales: 0808 801 0433
Northern Ireland: 0808 801 0434
Comments